Is Life a Dance?

[ankitawho]

Hi Andres,

Keenly watching sensations as indications for what is true and what is not will help us in every step we take through this gateless gate. As we discard everything we have read and heard, every aspect of morality, what is considered "good" or "bad", conditioned thoughts and lessons from memories, these sensations end up being our only reliance to spot truth. Even the slightest sensitivity to them will do for now. Lack of sensitivity in certain situations can be an important indicator too, as that is where there is the most resistance.

With your understanding of how to see in Direct Experience in the previous exercises, lets explore 'Body' and 'Sensing' today:

1. Take something cold from the fridge – like a can of cooldrink. When you touch the can, what describes your experience more accurately – a. Your fingers feeling cold because of touching a cold can; or b. Coldness - sensation labelled “cold”? With eyes closed, where does the cold appear? Observe the order in which the details appear
2. Sit on a chair and close your eyes. Are there two sensations – one of you bum and one of the chair, or just one sensation labelled “bum on a chair” or just “chair”? Where is the line that separates the sensation from the chair? Is the sensation separate from sensing? LOOK closely and with curiosity each of these questions.

Loving,
Ankita

[glint]

Take something cold from the fridge – like a can of cooldrink. When you touch the can, what describes your experience more accurately – a. Your fingers feeling cold because of touching a cold can; or b. Coldness - sensation labelled “cold”? With eyes closed, where does the cold appear?

There is a coldness sensation and then "cold" appears in thought. If the focus is on the overall sensation, there isn't a clear difference of "my fingers" and the "bottle". When I later imagine my fingers holding the soda in thought, they're more clearly separated by the mental image, before they're not. The sensation is there, the "cold" appears in my head.

I actually burned myself making coffee with the moka pot this morning. The pain sensation is there, but the realisation that I have burned myself due to heat comes later. Still now my finger has a burn, which is there, the sensation is always there, but the finger is only "burned" when I think about it.

Sit on a chair and close your eyes. Are there two sensations – one of you bum and one of the chair, or just one sensation labelled “bum on a chair” or just “chair”? Where is the line that separates the sensation from the chair? Is the sensation separate from sensing?

It is one sensation and there is no clear line. Again, if I think about it and imagine it, I can put a line there, but when the focus is only on the overall sensation, it's one whole sensation. I don't quite exactly understand what you mean by asking whether the sensation is separate from sensing. I guess it is different, the first is the ongoing process of sensations arising in conjunction between "my" body (fingers) and the world (soda), and then the sensation itself is more the thing I later conceptualize in thought?

[ankitawho]

Hi Andres,

Great LOOKING! :)

if I think about it and imagine it, I can put a line there

Can a thought put a line anywhere?

I don't quite exactly understand what you mean by asking whether the sensation is separate from sensing.

Are there solid sensations floating around, that get sensed? You see how language creates subjects and objects out of thin air, where there is only a constant flow happening (more like verbs). Is there sensing and sensation, or just sensing? Is there a border that marks where the sensing of sensation stops and the sensation start?

I guess it is different, the first is the ongoing process of sensations arising in conjunction between "my" body (fingers) and the world (soda), and then the sensation itself is more the thing I later conceptualize in thought?

Lets explore this deeply. Try this again:

Sit comfortably on a chair. Close your eyes and relax. Pay attention only to the feeling of your body. Just notice the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images. Keep your eyes closed and look:
Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair? At the point where your body contacts the chair, are there two things there, a body and chair, or one, sensation?
Is it "my" body, or is it just a body?
What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to? What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?
Can the 'body' do things?

Let me know,
Ankita

[glint]

Can a thought put a line anywhere?

Yes.

Are there solid sensations floating around, that get sensed?

No.

Is there sensing and sensation, or just sensing? Is there a border that marks where the sensing of sensation stops and the sensation start?

There is just sensing and there is no border.

Sit comfortably on a chair. Close your eyes and relax. Pay attention only to the feeling of your body. Just notice the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images. Keep your eyes closed and look: Can it be known how tall the body is?

No.

Does the body have a weight or volume?

No.

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

No.

Is there a boundary between the body and the chair? At the point where your body contacts the chair, are there two things there, a body and chair, or one, sensation?

It is one sensation, without clear contours.

Is it "my" body, or is it just a body?

Just a body.

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to? What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?
Can the 'body' do things?

The word “body” refers to a thought. The actual experience of the body can’t be fully described with words. The body doesn’t do things, it happens by itself.

[ankitawho]

Hi Andres,

Good :)

Can a thought put a line anywhere?

Yes.

Please elaborate on this.
If a thought says "There is a line here", does a line appear?

Lets explore thoughts next.
Please sit somewhere quiet for this:
A thought appears.
In that moment is there anyone or anything which recognises the thought or is being aware of it?
Can you see anything that is separate from the thought and does the thinking?
Where do thoughts appear from?
Do they appear randomly or in a structured way?
Is there anything that is responsible for the thoughts like a traffic cop saying which one to go and which one to stay?
Can the flow of thoughts be changed? Watch like a hawk.

Write down a sequence of 5 thoughts in the order that they appear. Now check:
Could you predict the order of their appearance?
Did you know which will be the second or the fourth?
Can you stop them midway?
How long does that last?
Test it for the fun of exploration.
Are they 100% true?

Loving,
Ankita

[glint]

If a thought says "There is a line here", does a line appear?

No, it doesn’t appear in reality. It is more like a crutch in my mind to process reality. I mean this in a descriptive way and with “lines” I mean there where I separate contagious things in reality into separate objects / concepts in my mind. I am looking at a TV right now. It can be a “TV”, or it can be an “LCD screen” within a “frame”, or it can be millions of independent “pixels” within an “LCD screen” within a “frame”. Etc. That is what I understood with creating “lines”.

In that moment is there anyone or anything which recognises the thought or is being aware of it?

Not that I can find, they are just happening.

Can you see anything that is separate from the thought and does the thinking?

I can’t see anything separate.

Where do thoughts appear from?

I have no idea. They just pop up, spatially somewhere in my skull, above and between my eyes.

Do they appear randomly or in a structured way?

Randomly, but they do circle around things happening in my life and tend to repeat (sometimes quite annoyingly) if they are about things currently taking up a lot of my mental bandwidth.

Is there anything that is responsible for the thoughts like a traffic cop saying which one to go and which one to stay?

No, I cannot find anything. I can get into a quite “blank” state trying to do that, but when I try to play cop, nothing arises. The more I try to force thoughts, the less they appear. The forcing is also a thought in itself.

Can the flow of thoughts be changed?

The constant flow mostly can't be changed. As mentioned earlier, some of them are like circling vultures and I can try to shoo them away, but they won’t. Others just appear randomly. I can consciously think of something, for example, a good friend overseas, but then that first idea is a thought too, which I didn’t decide about.

(Writing down 5 thoughts) Could you predict the order of their appearance?

No.

Did you know which will be the second or the fourth?

No.

Can you stop them midway?

I can try to stop single thoughts, but not the stream. What I can do is focus on a thought, dive into it, explore it, and stay with it. That is much easier. Or focus and stay with sensory experiences, which then layers thought far in the background, a bit like you put layers in the background when editing in Photoshop :).

How long does that last?

I can pause it, often only very shortly, rarely for a couple of seconds, never longer.

Are they 100% true?

They can’t be.

Thank you for your pointers so far, Ankita. I will be quite busy for a couple of days and out of reach of any internet connection. I can replay earliest next Friday.

[ankitawho]

Hi Andres,

Not a problem at all. Thank you for letting me know :) I will wait for you.

Loving,
Ankita

[glint]

I am back!

[ankitawho]

Great, so happy to write to you again Andres :)

How has life been lately?

Warmly,
Ankita

[glint]

How has life been lately?

Life has been very tumultuous work-wise and privately. Quite a few things have happened that are being processed emotionally these days. Quite raw sometimes. Life feels very open overall. Many shoulds and musts that were felt strongly aren't really there anymore, or they still are, but they're caught as such when they appear. Overall, life has been very interesting :).

[ankitawho]

Sending warmth and love your way.
❤️
I will write to you shortly, Andres. Perhaps tomorrow. Heavily travelling for the past 2 days.

~Ankita

[ankitawho]

Hi Andres,

I'm back. Now, where were we... :)

I have no idea. They just pop up, spatially somewhere in my skull, above and between my eyes.

Refer back to our exercises about stripping away labels from sensations. Also, the apple exercise. With eyes closed to observe thoughts, where is this "skull" you speak of...? And where are these "eyes"? There is no apple, but there is a skull and eyes? Look closer :)

Randomly, but they do circle around things happening in my life and tend to repeat (sometimes quite annoyingly) if they are about things currently taking up a lot of my mental bandwidth.

Are you sure they circle around current things? Can you see that this whole sentence here was a thought too? A thought that declared that other thoughts circle around such and such things? Does this thought have the ability to know the content of thought before or after it? How can we then trust that what it has declared is true?

The forcing is also a thought in itself.

Great catch!!!

No, it doesn’t appear in reality. It is more like a crutch in my mind to process reality. I mean this in a descriptive way and with “lines” I mean there where I separate contagious things in reality into separate objects / concepts in my mind. I am looking at a TV right now. It can be a “TV”, or it can be an “LCD screen” within a “frame”, or it can be millions of independent “pixels” within an “LCD screen” within a “frame”. Etc. That is what I understood with creating “lines”.

Understood, thank you for clarifying. This is all good :)

Next up, let’s have a look at the idea of control, choice and decisions.
Please try this exercise:

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.
2. Put two objects that you like in front of you (e.g. a cup of coffee and a glass of juice), then pick up one or the other, while paying attention to the whole process of choosing.
Watch like a hawk. Don't go to thoughts, examine the actual experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire…
How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ or and entity that is choosing be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over.

Let me know what you find.

Warmly,
Ankita

[glint]

With eyes closed to observe thoughts, where is this "skull" you speak of...? And where are these "eyes"? There is no apple, but there is a skull and eyes?

No, the same principle applies. No skull is found, seen, or felt. I often struggle with how to write these answers, honestly. Do I use “I” in my sentences? I can write in the passive language without subjects, but it is sometimes just cumbersome and easier to write in “standard” mode. Although the “I” cannot be found in any shape or form, sometimes following the language conventions is easier for expressing myself. You know what I mean? The same applies here.

Are you sure they circle around current things? Can you see that this whole sentence here was thought too? A thought that declared that other thoughts circle around such and such things? Does this thought have the ability to know the content of thought before or after it? How can we then trust that what it has declared is true?

Actually, they contain topics related to events that (allegedly) have happened or events that possibly could happen going forward, and not current things. Yes, I see this sentence was a thought in itself. The next question is fascinating: Not really. Thoughts are just there by themselves. We can’t trust these declarations, the only way to check truthfulness is experience happening itself.

How is the movement controlled?

It just organically flows.

Does a thought control it?

No, not at all. The more this exercise is done, the more this becomes clear.

Can a ‘controller’ or and entity that is choosing be located?

Can’t find anything.

How is the decision made to turn the hand over?

Been deliberating this for quite some time. I honestly do not know. It just happens. Thoughts about turning the hand over and the actual turning over of the hand don’t seem connected.

[ankitawho]

Hi Andres,

I often struggle with how to write these answers, honestly. Do I use “I” in my sentences? I can write in the passive language without subjects, but it is sometimes just cumbersome and easier to write in “standard” mode. Although the “I” cannot be found in any shape or form, sometimes following the language conventions is easier for expressing myself. You know what I mean? The same applies here.

Understood, and indeed we must make-do around language structures to have this exchange. As a general rule, I only point it out when it carries enough charge in the sentence, or when there's an indication that there might be some assumptions underneath. Apart from that, its all good, so feel free to continue using pronouns and descriptors as you do and simply clarify the intent if it ever gets questioned :)

Great SEEING!

Thoughts about turning the hand over and the actual turning over of the hand don’t seem connected.

Wonderful. Can you see that thoughts are simply narrations overlaid on top of what is happening on its own?

Now look into your direct experience and tell me:

Can a thought, on its own, affect what is happening? Really sit with this, because this is quite foundational. Absolutely any doubts, even if its only a tiny bit, is welcome. Please invite it and report it.
Can the thought "Don't flip your palm over" or "I will not flip my palm over" stop your palm from flipping?

This video might be of interest at this point:
https://vimeo.com/90101368?fbclid=IwAR3

We will now be exploring memory. Here is today's exercise:
It is a common belief that a memories are a different kind of thought than non-memory thoughts.
Please bring up a memory, something easily accessible and ideally not too personal so you can share details.
Look at what is actually going on and not what thoughts say - but what actually is.
What is memory exactly?
What is the memory ‘made of’?
What is the exact difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘memory’ thought?
How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘memory’ thought refers to something that has happened?
Then, look at a thought about the future.
What is the future thought ‘made of’?
What is the exact difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘future’ thought?
How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘future’ thought refers to something that will happen?
Then let’s compare a thought about past and a thought about the future.
What is the EXACT difference between the thoughts about past and future?
If there is difference and how is that difference is known exactly?

Warmly as always,
Ankita

[glint]

Hi Ankita!

Here are some answers. Some interesting questions.

Can you see that thoughts are simply narrations overlaid on top of what is happening on its own?

Yes.

Now look into your direct experience and tell me: Can a thought, on its own, affect what is happening? Really sit with this, because this is quite foundational. Absolutely any doubts, even if it is only a tiny bit, are welcome. Please invite it and report it.

I can see that on its own it cannot. But there are doubts indeed. It is difficult to accept that thoughts would be completely non-interfering with life happening on its own. Looking back on my life there are numerous episodes where thought seemed to have had an impact on my life. Epiphanies, solutions, and ideas that suddenly emerged in thought. There is a feeling that these then have had an impact on life... long-term? As a kind of feedback mechanism into the organism? That the thought on its own doesn’t change what is happening is clear. Interestingly a sentence saying that “I” do not exist is easier to accept than a sentence saying that thought doesn’t affect what is happening.

Can the thought "Don't flip your palm over" or "I will not flip my palm over" stop your palm from flipping?

No.

What is memory exactly?

The remembrance of experiences that have happened before.

What is the memory ‘made of’?

Mental images/talk/feelings.

What is the exact difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘memory’ thought?

The content is basically the same, except the memory thought is felt to point to an experience from the past. There is a clear feeling “it has happened”, that it is “from the past”.

How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘memory’ thought refers to something that has happened?

Very hard to say. The feeling is just there. I can also remember suddenly not knowing anymore whether memory was true or not and discussing with other people the truthfulness of certain memories, which still felt very clear.

Then, look at thoughts about the future. What is the future thought ‘made of’?

Mental images/talk/feelings.

What is the exact difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘future’ thought?

The content is basically the same, except the memory thought is felt to point to an experience that could happen from now on onwards. Also here, there is a clear feeling that this is a possible experience in the future.

How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘future’ thought refers to something that will happen?

It is just clear somehow. Like, if there is a thought of my grandma dying... If she is still alive now, then that would be a “future thought”, if she has already passed away, then it is a “memory thought”. The knowledge of the fact whether grandma is alive or not is in itself another thought. The difference to the past is that there is a feeling that "future thoughts" are just options, potential outcomes, and possible pathways. Whereas "past thoughts" have a clear label of having happened attached to them.

Then let’s compare a thought about the past and a thought about the future. What is the EXACT difference between thoughts about the past and the future?

There is no real difference in terms of how the thoughts are, except a “knowing” whether it is category future or category past. But their form and content are the same.

If there is a difference and how is that difference known exactly?

The difference seems to be that logically some thoughts belong to the future or the past. Having a car crash and losing a leg can hardly be in the past, as I still have two legs. Me having a child would be in the past, if I were driving my son to school every morning. In the end, you could look at these and see that they are all also thoughts, and those are inherently not temporal, so the difference can’t be known exactly.