Pre-Awakening

[Statum]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
That what I consider to be myself is an illusion of thought and belief. The sense of self as I experience it is a mistaken reality of a subject enclosed within a body and everything outside. Furthermore, what is the reality of sight has been mistaken for one who sees and likewise for each of the senses.

What are you looking for at LU?
An experiential shift in which reality is understood for what it truly is. The dissolution of self deception as a primary modality of experience. To see beauty, truth, and goodness as they are (even if they are just thoughts). To understand what is “I, myself”.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
To be guided to my direct experience of reality which would have the effect of realizing the absence of a separate self. Help to point out false assumptions that I have held about experience. And to bring my most closely held beliefs concerning “I, myself” into question.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have practiced 30 minutes of daily meditation and self inquiry for a year. I come from a religious background and have allowed those beliefs which I held on to for my formative years to dissolve as life and experience has progressed. I am currently a non-religious, spiritual seeker of what is the nature of experience/consciousness

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
10

[Bananafish]

Hi Statum. :) My name is Kento, one of the guides here at LU.
As I've read your intro the following phrase struck me as being well put:

"An experiential shift in which reality is understood for what it truly is."

Yes, if that is what is in your mind, this is the right place for you!

Please, if you're ready, write about what motivates you about this search, and
what you imagine would happen when you accomplish the result.

Warm wishes,

Kento

[Statum]

Please, if you're ready, write about what motivates you about this search, and
what you imagine would happen when you accomplish the result.

The motivation is complicated with egotism. Even amidst the absurdity of it, there is still a desire to be the right kind of person; of trying to get one up on the universe and other people who “just don’t get it”. There is a desire to not miss out on the ultimate inside joke. There is a desire to be the kind of wise sage that is solid and stable no matter what happens.

However, there is another more subtle and quiet interest in what this “kingdom of Heaven within” is referring to. It feels more innocent, more curious, less imposing. It feels like a desire to love everything as it is and to see it as beautiful with no opposite. Not to do anything with it; not to use it for an alternative purpose, but just to behold. And I find that just the longing for it is precious beyond belief.

As far as expectations, I expect that the “accomplishment” of this is to see that there was no accomplishment and never was. This process doesn’t point to anything outside of itself, which is to say that it doesn’t point to anything. I would like to be free of suffering by understanding from direct experience that there never was one to suffer; that it was all belief and freedom from suffering was the reality all along.

[Bananafish]

Thanks Statum. :)

Do you feel that you are ready to face and understand suffering,
not to cover it up, escape from it, or get rid from it?

Also, are you ready to set aside, for the moment, all the presumptions and expectations
about what the process in LU brings about (even the ones you read in the Enlightening Quotes)?

Best wishes,

Kento

[Bananafish]

Sorry, please forget about what I mentioned about "Enlightening Quotes."

[Statum]

Yes I am. As of now I’m setting aside all expectations and beliefs that I am conscious of.

And as a brief side note, I just want to say a big thank you for your time and attention with me here. It’s greatly appreciated!

[Bananafish]

No problem at all! Glad that you are here, and I'll do my best for you
to put an end to the search for truth.

Let's begin now. We're first going to cover the very basis (but one of utmost importance)
that is the foundation of what we'll do here.

Please try sensing your breath; note that this is not a sort of popular Buddhist meditation,
but just an exercise to observe things without putting labels on them.

If you were asked to describe that sense of breathing, how would you answer?
Please write whatever that comes up. There is no "correct" answer for this, so be very intuitive.

Best regards,

Kento

[Statum]

If you were asked to describe that sense of breathing, how would you answer?
Please write whatever that comes up. There is no "correct" answer for this, so be very intuitive.

There is an expansion and contraction of the body like a sort of pulse. The chest and stomach stretch and then come back to where they started from. It’s cool going in and warm going out. It’s effortless like falling. It’s neither fast or slow; neither patient or impatient. It’s subtle and quiet. It’s easy to overlook.

[Bananafish]

Great that you described it in such a detailed way. :)

There is an expansion and contraction of the body

This time, please observe it without naming it "expansion and contraction of the body."
What kind of sensation is it?

[Statum]

This time, please observe it without naming it "expansion and contraction of the body."
What kind of sensation is it?

It’s a moving and dynamic sensation. The word “alive” comes to mind.

[Bananafish]

Ok, thanks.

It’s a moving and dynamic sensation. The word “alive” comes to mind.

Now, what if you don't name it in any way?
What sensation is it?

[Statum]

Now, what if you don't name it in any way?
What sensation is it?

Hmm without a name I don’t know what it is. It is just what it is, but even there I’m naming it with the name “it”. I suppose I can’t say anything. Maybe I could say the sensation is here, but anything else says too much.

[Bananafish]

Well put, Statum. :)

Now, that's how we observe things here; we observe them while we don't know
what they are. They still are without the need of names being given!

So now, it's about you.
Who are you without any names and labels?
What do you refer to in order to check this?

[Statum]

Who are you without any names and labels?
What do you refer to in order to check this?

The names and labels are all that “I” am. The perception of the senses cast an idea of hierarchy or amalgamation from which these senses are perceived. In the same way that I have heard that a school is just the amalgamation of books, buildings, and individuals coming together to form one thing; the school.

There is a felt sense of security in this answer as if it is solid. That is probably going off into mind and away from our purpose here.

I look for my sense of self in ideas, values, concepts, and beliefs. Amalgamations and hierarchies which form a sense of solidity to reality. Aside from the working of the mind in the form of thoughts, I can’t find myself in any of the senses or anything considered to be “internal”.

[Bananafish]

Thank you, Statum.

Do you feel what you wrote is more of an intellectual understanding, or
is it a visceral one?