I guess it is. This happened from time to time since I joined my first retreat in summer last year but it seems to be more stable now.Is your mental belief in a self called Conny weakening?
We go on until it drops. When that happens let me know, you will feel particular sensations in the body.
Right now there is way less resistance to the flow of life than before. The patterns of Conny are the same but now they don't carry so much weight.
It started with experiences during meditation where it felt like the energetic boundaries of the body are dissolving.
That's the best way I can describe it. It took a while for the body to get used to that because at first there was an instant fear reaction. Now it feels almost like the body is felt from the inside and the outside. But I can't locate where they are felt from. This was only temporary the last months but now it seems to stay.
During a walk today it was obvious that the body is moving but I am not moving. I'm just always right here. It's very hard to put that into words.
Everything feels a little bit more alive... even objects. The seeing has also changed a little bit but I don't even know where to start to put that into words.
There seems to be way less anxiety right now since the acceptance of the mind that life can't be controlled. When it arises there's a natural stopping and feeling of the sensations in the body. If there are thoughts that are about a me that has anxiety it is seen very quickly and inquiry about it happens. It also feels differently right now. It doesn't feel as contracted as it did before.
Yes that's what I meant. The thought pops up but it's not the reason that it happens. There are also times where the thought pops up but no action is taken so it's obvious that the thought isn't the reason for the action.See carefully, there are no thoughts commanding which hand to use or when to turn the palm up and down.
No it does not choose it's directions. It's not a seperate entity.. where would the seperate entity even start and the other one end. It's the same.Does it choose any of its directions? Is it even really a separate entity different from the water deposited in the
rocks, or the depressions in the ground? Is it even the same entity moment by moment,
or more the product of weather conditions and water, like an ever-changing pattern?
It's an ever-changing pattern. Nothing stays the same.. everything is always ever changing based on the conditions.
No, everything was always part of the overall flow it just didn't seem like it because there where thoughts who claimed to intervene in life and these thoughts were believed in. But now there's a seeing that Conny never decided anything because it was just a bunch of thoughts. Nothing more.. so nothing changed it's just that the thoughts are no longer believed in.1. Can you find anywhere where Conny autonomously intervenes in life, choosing something that is not the product of all the elements; that is not a part of the overall flow?
No I can't find anyone.2. Now please consider a regular decision made eg; what to wear in the morning, or what to eat for lunch, and describe to me what happens. There are environmental factors, there are color preferences (but where did those come from - any autonomous intervention there perhaps?), practical issues (such as what is available), available time for preparation, purpose (eg; need to fill up for the day, or to look hip and cool for that person!) etc. Where in there is an autonomous entity intervening in the flow of life? Can you find someone somewhere?
There are preferences but I would say they are more based on the conditioning. The preference for healthy food because the body feels better after eating it and so that's why it is chosen. The avoidance of particular food because of allergies. There's a knowing that the body won't feel good after eating it so it is avoided.
The energy level of the body takes a part in which meal is made and how long it takes to prepare it.
The emotional state takes a part in the decision which meal is made as well. There's a longing of the body for comforting food when there are feelings of sadness.
There's also a preference for warm, heavier food when it is cold and a preference for fresh and uncooked food when it is warm. But there's no entity who decides. There are just a bunch of preferences that don't belong to an entity.
No I can't find anything. Even if there are thoughts coming up about responsibility they are seen as thoughts very quickly.3. Can anything be found for which Conny is responsible – if so responsible to what and for what?
There's even a seeing that other people are not responsible.
Certain people can be disliked because the conditioning of this body doesn't match the conditioning of the other body. For example: My body was conditioned to always strive to do everything as perfect as possible. Now when I meet someone who isn't conditioned that way and they make a big mistake that is seen unacceptable and unprofessional and there's a tendency to avoid working with that person in the future. But it is also clear that it isn't a personal failure. It's just how the body was conditioned and the overall conditions. The other person may not be conditioned to check everything twice (or is overworked, had something personal going on, etc.) so there was not enough energy to put all the attention into the project. It's not so serious like it seemed to be.