Requesting Anastacia42 as guide

[Anastacia42]

Okay.

[adb88DAVID]

What happens when you do "Where Is I?"

did that this morning . was really fascinating. The I thought was right in the centre of my head (yes i know it is not really), the I thought was in the same location as my sense of I. Looking right at it.

Does the sense of self have a location?

an imaginary one in the centre of my head

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

head shaped!

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

no

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

no

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

. none of those

What is found?

nothing. I put attention on it and there is just attention

best wishes

[Anastacia42]

Do you realize that you're fighting really hard to keep a sense of self? You have to really question it.

What's going on? Are you afraid to let go?

You say that you know that it is only a thought. Proves it you know it.

Loving,

[adb88DAVID]

yes but its a very sticky thought. I can see it as a thought, but it still runs as normal

And, it has fear underneath. I have dipped in and out of the fear at times= Sensations in the body , sense of panic = felt into them when it comes up

Do you realize that you're fighting really hard to keep a sense of self? You have to really question it.

I will question it

What's going on? Are you afraid to let go?

yes probably

[Anastacia42]

Hi,

very sticky thought

There is no such thing as a sticky thought. That's just another thought talking about thought.

We have a couple of ways of dealing with fear. One is an anxiety exercise that makes you use the part of your brain that cannot do fear. The other is a video that Ilona made.

Here is an anxiety exercise that focuses a person in the present, and in a part of the brain that cannot do anxiety. Basically, go through each sense and say (or think) "I see/ hear/ feel/ taste/ touch ______________." A minute or two of each and usually anxiety is gone.

I see the couch.
I see the keyboard.
I see the glass. Etc.

I hear the train.
I hear the keys clacking.
I hear my breath. Etc.

I feel the couch under my butt.
I feel my fingers on the keys.
I feel the cold air. Etc.

I taste a metallic taste in my mouth.
I taste the coffee.
I taste the food. Etc.

I smell the humidity in the air.
I smell my husband's shampoo.
I smell the soap. Etc.

As far as I can tell, the only time this doesn't work is when someone won't do it.

and

https://youtu.be/jKX1llYtlKE


Try those.

Loving,

[adb88DAVID]

thank you. There was some fear last night and thoughts such as , "how can that voice in my head not be me???". This morning there is no fear. So its a fluctuating fear depending on mood. I watched the deep looking fear video which was very good.

I realise I spend 95% of my time in my head in thoughts. Especially when working from home all week, every week. My job, etc. I am in my head nearly all the time. That is my world. In nature or vacations its a bit easier to be less in the internal world.

sometimes I remember to challenge the thoughts and say "who am i ?" and sit in the blank space.
i'm not the voice in my head.

im not sure where to go from here.

best wishes!

[Anastacia42]

Where to go is KEEP LOOKING & ignoring the content of thought. Notice it & let it go.

LOOKING Is the only thing you do here. Pointers that have you look at various aspects of things but it's all just looking and nothing more.

"Enlightenment is an accident. Meditation makes you accident prone."

Sunryu Suzuki

The only exercise I did the entire time I was being guided for 3 months was ButtChair. Nothing else.

ButtChair

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?


So spend some time with that every single day. Report back how it LOOKS to you. Read Gateless Gatecrashers for examples of what it looks like to wake up.

Every day write what you have seen and what is true. True means not thinking. True means what you see, here, feel, taste, smell. Direct experience only, please. No analysis. No summaries.


Can you do that?

Loving,

[adb88DAVID]

got it! WILL DO!! THANKS!

[adb88DAVID]

hi,

Daily post:-

Been feeling the butt on the seat a lot! Just one big sensation so far. Very interesting


Reading gatetless gate. I read CAROLINE. now reading GREG.

Very nice how Caroline dealt with the sadness and saw that it belonged to no one.

I keep going!

thanks!

[adb88DAVID]

Day 2 of Feeling the butt !

Enjoying it! ts different everytime. And does bring a peaceful sense. I keep going!

Will read some more of the book this afternoon and record my findings

All the best

[Anastacia42]

Very good!

How does it FEEL to find only Sensation & no separation?

Loving,

[adb88DAVID]

Feels amazing. But only temporary. Will keep.going..

I was also reading the book. The book said the mind and body are important and should be kept safe but can you find an owner of them? Something like that. And when I read that it was like "check mate" for the mind!!! I'm gonna see.how.this deepens....

[Anastacia42]

It will always be temporary! Remember those 2 videos you watched? The feelings come & go.

But can you ever believe there's a separate "self" again?

It's like Santa Claus. Once you know it's a man in a red suit you can't be fooled again, can you?

Loving,

[adb88DAVID]

Day 3 feeling the butt.

I've not fully seen. But the butt is such a direct way and makes it never intellectual.

Still fear as well. . Less fear when doing the butt on the chair becuase the attention is there and not on thoughts

When attention is on the butt on the chair sensation, there is temporary relief from suffering. So enjoyable

I will check our thread and re-watch those videos and keep reading the book.

Thank you for all this.

Best

[Anastacia42]

Good!

Keep LOOKING. You're doing well.

Keep posting how it FEELS to find only Sensation & no separation?

Loving,