Ending the constant searching

[Trinidiana]

HI Vince

Well, I rewatched the zoom Meeting, between yesterday and today, I found it to be very helpful indeed, lots of insights from everyone. You said some really really good stuff I must say , as did Mary , everyone really, and I really resonated with where Cas is at and Barry, Barry seems to have had a shift in my mind, i really liked what he said about the empty space. And then Paul too, so insightful, ah yes Vince, these meetings are really helpful indeed.

I have really grasped that the sense of self never goes, its just knowing that its not real. It’s the character. It’s needed to exist in this world. Knowing that it’s not real doesn't mean it wont still be there in its sensing of it. There was so much more I got from just this zoom meeting alone and its nice to be able to rewatch it. I remember you saying something on Sunday, that for some reason I couldn’t find in the recording, and that is, you said you dont really approach the guiding from the looking to see that there is no self, but instead on seeing the mental constructs and conditioning , that we are are just thoughts and beliefs and such and thus could never be a real self. I find this approach resonates with me more, I am still not totally grokking about looking , looking in many ways, and then there is no need to look once you look enough times. That doesnt really work in that way for me.

On another note, I have realised that if I try to pinpoint a thought, I cannot really isolate it, I always thought this was some sort of defect on my part but what I am realizing is that the thought itself, whatever it is, can’t really be seen, it just kind of evaporates. It’s not a thing, and cannot be discerned with the senses, I feel that’s kind of a new thing that I grokked. Thoughts really can NEVER be real, even if what they are saying might be true, I never really saw this before. Hmmmm

And, so this leads to something else, what I am realizing more and more, is that it’s just all sensation, like everything in my experience seems to just upon examination end up being pure sensation of some sort. Tell me if this is making sense.

Also, I did not know that there was an interview with you and Luchana so I watched that too. I really enjoyed it Vince, it was nice to hear your story, and it was very lovely to see where you live and your beautiful garden and your bonsai wow. So nice. At one point when both of you guys were having some interference issues, I kept hearing what sounded like a chicken clucking or a cock crowing, I have no idea what that was but it was kind of funny and poignant lol. Also I resonate so much with that you said about how within a generation this world could change if we taught children in school mindfulness and about their thoughts. It seems so obvious, Anyway…. I guess it will happen in its own time , or not , I am not so worried about saving the world though every day I still continually marvel and not in a good way at its brokenness. Seems to be getting worse

WEll, i think this is enough for today. I am continually noticing when I am caught up in stories, and sometimes I might keep going back there, but the noticing is happening.
Xoxxo
Diana

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Diana,

these meetings are really helpful indeed.

Good. Yes, I think that even those that don't think that they have had a shift are really helpful to each other.

I have really grasped that the sense of self never goes, its just knowing that its not real. It’s the character. It’s needed to exist in this world.

Yes, this is big. When it's seen as an offering, a helper and not some controller that often wants to punish us, that we can be friends with it. (the SENSE of self)

you don't really approach the guiding from the looking to see that there is no self, but instead on seeing the mental constructs and conditioning

It's kind of the same thing. When we can recognize concept then we realize that the self is a concept that we have been conditioned to believe is something actual.

I am still not totally grokking about looking

Change the word "looking" into recognizing.
re-cogniz-ing, again cognizant.

that the thought itself, whatever it is, can’t really be seen, it just kind of evaporates. It’s not a thing, and cannot be discerned with the senses, I feel that’s kind of a new thing that I grokked.

Yes, yes. They are as real as anything you see at the movies. ..and they don't exist when the projector stopps rolling.

what I am realizing more and more, is that it’s just all sensation, like everything in my experience seems to just upon examination end up being pure sensation of some sort. Tell me if this is making sense.

Yes, good sense. These sensations which make up much of experience is all that is actual.

I am not so worried about saving the world though every day I still continually marvel and not in a good way at its brokenness. Seems to be getting worse

The quickest way out of a mind quandry is to focus on the body. ..and on the way there, ask yourself this; "is there anything wrong with what is happening right here right now?"

with love

vince

[Trinidiana]

Hi Vince

just a quick one as I wanted to tell you that I am traveling tomorrow until the following Friday so I will be away for ten days, if I can I will write, going to help this Ukrainian woman and her daughter and dog move to Canada, my brother and husband will be there for part of the time .

Going to respond to your last post shortly

Take care
Xoxxo
Diana

[Trinidiana]

Hi Vince

It’s been a while here. Thanks for hosting that meeting on Sunday, it was very helpful.

As I stated there, I don’t identify with being a non awake or awake person. But I don’t think the shift has occurred because you always say you would know,

So, i feel kind of stuck tbh.

I have really grasped that the sense of self never goes, its just knowing that its not real. It’s the character. It’s needed to exist in this world.

Yes, this is big. When it's seen as an offering, a helper and not some controller that often wants to punish us, that we can be friends with it. (the SENSE of self)

Sometimes though I still find it judging and bothersome, I sometimes resist it, and it’s noisy.

And yet , I do

realize that the self is a concept that we have been conditioned to believe is something actual

.
I completely realise this. Sometimes I get a glimpse that I and others go through life in a phony contracted state, thinking that it’s all real, these escapades of the self, when this happens I get a sinking feeling because I see it’s not real, this sounds strange writing it, who on earth gets this sinking feeling, can’t quite explain it, just doesn’t feel good to see this. What I mean is the insight is good, but the feeling is being sad and trapped in that ridiculous movie and then something judges that.

I

i am still not totally grokking about looking
Change the word "looking" into recognizing.
re-cogniz-ing, again cognizant.

Ok. I am recognizing plenty

what I am realizing more and more, is that it’s just all sensation, like everything in my experience seems to just upon examination end up being pure sensation of some sort. Tell me if this is making sense.

Yes, good sense. These sensations which make up much of experience is all that is actual

.

Yes they make up much of experience that is actual, then there are also the thoughts which then lead to the escapades of the self as I jut discussed, contents of these thoughts are not real,most thoughts not real and we are all for the most buying into them. Thoughts lead into emotions which are another kind of thought but seem to be a Velcroing together with body sensations and uncomfortable thoughts. What makes a thought ‘uncomfortable' is something which occurs I should explore.

I don’t remember which one but on some thread I read about the thoughts about the self are no different really for say the thoughts of your uncle or whomever That never occurred to me, of course the thoughts about one's self seem so much more 'special', but ultimately are not any different, everything I can say about my so called self comes down to thoughts. Maybe I should try to pretend I’m someone different for a day, see what happens. 🤣

There’s existence, or whatever we want to call it, ok, so RIGHT NOW, what’s happening? Hearing music, other sounds from outside bedroom. Seeing this ipad , and what is in my peripheral vision ( a concept in itself since it’s really seamless ). Fingers are tapping away and I have no idea what is going to be typed until it’s typed. Life is here. Now.

Ok, music playing triggers emotions here, tears even, memories, as this is typed, memory of a recent dream last night , very vague, someone was saying that they have their memories and Diana said that there are no such things as memories really. Memory is another thought existing for a nanosecond then gone like everything else . Ever changing , recurring. Impermanent thought we take them to be so real and rigid.

Been noticing in life how it flows, it flies , things working themselves out , or not, the planning and stuff is superfluous fluff for the most part.

In this ever changing moment, when looked at, music, touching of fingertips on screen, taste of coffee
—————————————————————-
Ok So one came to the house that I had to go deal with so that threw me off, lost that momentum of commenting on what was happening then. Then? Then was now if you know what I mean . Now it’s a new now.

The quickest way out of a mind quandry is to focus on the body. ..and on the way there, ask yourself this; "is there anything wrong with what is happening right here right now?"

Yes focusing on the body does bring you out of thoughts and the mind narrative.

i have really grasped that the sense of self never goes, its just knowing that its not real. It’s the character. It’s needed to exist in this world.

Yes, this is big. When it's seen as an offering, a helper and not some controller that often wants to punish us, that we can be friends with it. (the SENSE of self)

As I was saying on Sunday, I’m still not there as seeing it always as an offering, but will set that intention


Seeking is still present, what do I need for that last push Vince?

Sorry this was a bit disjointed, the world calls

Xoxxo
Diana

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Diana,

because you always say you would know,

Yes, until you know, you still identify as not knowing. ..but that knowing might sneak up on you and not arrive with a bang.
When you do know, you will recognize when you have been not knowing. When old habits kick in and you act like you believe that a separate self exists, or that the doomsday story is actually going to happen. That recognition happens even quicker after you know than it did before you did.

So, i feel kind of stuck tbh.

"If a dirt, a dirt." (I looked up some Jamacian slang - I like this one)

Sometimes though I still find it judging and bothersome, I sometimes resist it, and it’s noisy.

"If a dirt, a dirt."

just doesn’t feel good to see this. What I mean is the insight is good, but the feeling is being sad and trapped in that ridiculous movie and then something judges that.

I get that. It's a bit of an existential hole. Don't worry, once you see fully (experientially) the beauty shines through.
We've spent years scaring our selves with these apocalypse stories.

What makes a thought ‘uncomfortable' is something which occurs I should explore.

Yes. Explore this. A great exercise.

Maybe I should try to pretend I’m someone different for a day, see what happens. 🤣

Another good exercise. Perhaps you could pretend to be a diana that is awake. (or not)

fluff for the most part.

Ha, love it (and so true)

Seeking is still present, what do I need for that last push Vince?

As I keep telling myself at golf. "Relax and let it happen."
No "pushing" is required.

Sorry this was a bit disjointed, the world calls

No worries & yes it does that, doesn't it.

with love

vince