1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
No and there never was
2) Give in your own words what the illusion of separate self is and how it shows up in experience. Also, through your inquiry, what is different now?
Separate self is identification with thoughts and believing the thoughts that come up belong to the ‘individual’. There is only ever this in everything so it is impossible for anything to be separate from anything else as everything is empty, there’s no one doing anything it is all just this, this-ing.
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It is incredibly liberating to see this. No free will and no thinking equals total liberation. This has deepened over the last week and at times been euphoric.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
It was the exercise of closing my eyes and noticing that the body had disappeared in space. When I rubbed my fingers with my eyes closed I couldn’t tell if they were my fingers at all. There was a deepening in that moment. Also the relief of thoughts not having any purpose whats so ever and seeing the difference between the narration of thoughts and when an idea arises from the mystery doer that them makes something happen. There is a deepening that is happening quickly here.
5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
To decide anything is impossible - it is already decided, it’s already happening to try to decide is to de-side with what already just is. Intention is in-tension - it’s impossible to set an intention and have it mean anything at all as what is already happening just is, the great mystery makes things happen through ‘me’ there’s no one here who is able to decide or intend - otherwise...my ‘life’ would look very different. I recently went on holiday and was told to go to a waterfall nearby, I ignored the suggestion and a day later someone else told me to go to the same waterfall, I ignored the suggestion again and the next day a waiter in a restaurant wrote down a message and handed it to me, the paper had the name of the waterfall and said you need to go here. When I went to the waterfall something here realised I would move country to live there. The arising of that idea happened at the waterfall.
b) What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.
I am only responsible for believing any thoughts. There is nothing else I can really be responsible for as there’s no one here doing any of it.
6) Anything to add?
Since working with you drinking and smoking has really become regular and too much but that has spawned something here to go to Alcoholics anonymous to stop. It’s like it spiralled down something would be done. Also, a very deep deepening has happened as I took my son kayaking and the currents were too strong. There was a moment of surrender and then absolute peace and joy as we gentle floated with the river instead of trying so hard to go against it, this was a seeing of what this character has tried to do against the happening forever. There is total forgiveness because no one ever did anything to anyone. There is no need to try and trying is in the happening but surrendering to what is is liberating. Thank you.