Search found 15 matches

by jonspayde
Sun Feb 26, 2012 5:20 am
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

Over many years I have come to identify proprioception--the feeling of being in a body--with "jon," and that habit is still there. My breathing, sense of warmth of my body, sense of touch--I've organized it all as Jon for a long time. And there is just the mental habit--"Jon" seems to lie behind my ...
by jonspayde
Sat Feb 25, 2012 6:43 am
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

Thanks, Ilona--I am slowly getting used to this perspective--very slowly. It still takes me some mental effort. I tell myself: "This feeling of Jon-as-real is just an idea. Just an idea. Remember that ideas are only ideas." I don't feel particularly liberated, but I feel that I am dealing with the t...
by jonspayde
Thu Feb 23, 2012 10:02 pm
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

No, there never was. It was an idea that formed. It still forms. Uncanny to feel "myself" inhabiting this idea, but I am also feeling its breakup into an openness. It's not dramatic as an experience, but it is new and fresh. Before I began my dialogue with you I was worried about my fate as a religi...
by jonspayde
Thu Feb 23, 2012 5:30 pm
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

Ilona, sitting here at my desk, I realized that there is no way that "I" can be anything other than an idea. And an idea can't have ideas. As hard as I try to tell myself that there is some entity beneath the idea of "I" that is the "real" I, what is actually going on is that another idea is simply ...
by jonspayde
Wed Feb 22, 2012 10:44 pm
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

1) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works. I'm not sure I can confidently call it an illusion yet--all I can really claim is that selfhood is an idea, and that I am beginning to grasp that ideas are of a very different order from whatever lies beneat...
by jonspayde
Wed Feb 22, 2012 3:08 pm
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

Nope. There couldn't be. The "I" doesn't even show up until it appears as an idea.
by jonspayde
Wed Feb 22, 2012 4:53 am
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

Hmmmm....it's true that when I consider everything as experience, it changes things. I think it is the same thing as remaining in the present moment--since past and future are clearly only thoughts. And yes, doership really is a thought also, an idea, not an immediate experience. Doership is a menta...
by jonspayde
Mon Feb 20, 2012 7:41 pm
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

Well, I took a breath, and it seems to me that this is where I am: It's clear that I can't control my thoughts. But there appears to be personal doership in my actions. When I get up to go to my bookshelf to get a book, this is how I understand it working: An impetus to get a book shows up in my min...
by jonspayde
Sun Feb 19, 2012 9:12 pm
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

"Doing happens like breathing happens."--I'm looking to see if that is true...and can't see it, or I can only see it halfway. I decide to get up from my desk to pull a book out of the shelf. There's a conscious effort there that doesn't seem like breathing. A mental event happens before that--the de...
by jonspayde
Sun Feb 19, 2012 7:52 am
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

This is really getting down to the core, isn't it? "Reading, typing, thinking, observing, working, driving, cooking, eating... All happens no matter how mind labels it." Yes, it's true--the doing is independent of the labeling as "I" or "Jon." But my sense of "doership" feels to me to exist below th...
by jonspayde
Sat Feb 18, 2012 3:22 am
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

Yes, it's true--many of the things I look at start a remembered story in my mind; some do not, but they still feel like they are being placed in a context. It's like my mind wants to put everything into a structure. I look at something (these are familiar objects) and I get familiarity back from the...
by jonspayde
Fri Feb 17, 2012 5:23 pm
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

I will do that, Ilona--but I want to share this song with you before I forget to--http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBSMJLyTiLU
by jonspayde
Fri Feb 17, 2012 4:22 am
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

Wow, I have no idea where they come from==or no awareness of them coming "from" anywhere. They just show up. I definitely do not "produce" or have any control over most of them.When I concentrate on a mental task or problem I find that I can produce and direct thoughts to some extent--but only to so...
by jonspayde
Thu Feb 16, 2012 6:03 am
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

What's real? I know something is physically real if it occupies space and has weight and mass. Like the monitor and the table. Is Santa Claus real? Santa Claus is a fiction; that is, what we tell children about him is unreal in that no such person lives at the north pole. But he is real as a folk be...
by jonspayde
Wed Feb 15, 2012 4:12 pm
Forum: THE GATE
Topic: Johnspayde, welcome here.
Replies: 29
Views: 2749

Re: Johnspayde, welcome here.

Thanks, Ilona-- I'm a 60-year-old married man who works as a writer and editor and also a solo theater performer--I write and perform comic versions of "therapy" on stage. I am also a recovering alcoholic with almost 27 years without a drink thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous. My experience of spiritual...

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