Thank you very much Stacy for guiding me through the gate.

Thank you very much for all the resources too :)

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, there is or never was a real solid entity called I

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it ...

Yeah i came across the Ten fetters model. Its funny how i already know everyone of them you mentioned and already follow them & listened to them previously. I was also planning to watch Kevin's ten fetters model after i break the first fetter.

Do you want me to watch the videos and then answer ...

I am sorry, excuse my rambling here. If there is more seeking/doubts/expectations, arent all of them just more thoughts.Each thought comes with an automatic assumption of an existence of “Me/self” and starts looking/seeking again until its realized again that I is a thought. Its goes on and on ...

There is an expectation here that, there would be a very clear event where the energetic shift happens. I dont exactly know how “i” is expecting this event to be maybe like a big energetic shift where the “I” completely drops for a few hours/days

Has seeking stopped?
I dont know if seeking has stopped for sure but at this moment there is no desire to seek at all. I am still having this blissful sensations all over my chest and head even though i am not trying to look or inquire.

I dont know if this is a thought garbage or an insight, i ...

Everytime i look for separate self and cant find it, i have this huge space like feeling in my head. I dont know what exactly it is, maybe its from having less/no thoughts?

Can you find any separate "self? "
I cant find a separate self in direct experience. All i can find is what is being experienced and nothing thats experiencing it.

I have paid very close attention to the feeling and everytime i look and cant find a separate self, i feel very relaxed, expansive ...

Find how it FEELS to notice this. FEELING is important
Everytime i cant find anyone doing controlling/decision in the direct experience, i was surprised that i cant find someone controlling and then the mind completely goes quiet followed by a feeling of expansion.

I have actually finished ...

What is it exactly that is choosing which hand to raise?
Cant find what is choosing, again seems to be happening automatically.

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is doing the choosing?
Body is doing it, but thats a thought, a story. No separate individual can be found.

What ...

Why would you?

I was curious and wanted to see how the illusion is playing out with thoughts. I thought it would just give me more clarity.

Got it?
Yeah, i dont feel the contraction just a thought.

How is the movement controlled?
When i look in the direct experience, it happens by itself or automatically.


Does a thought control it?
When i involve thoughts, thought seems to be saying that the body is doing it. Thought instructs ...

How does it FEEL to see this?
I'll be honest, i dont feel any different but its just like realizing something you always knew but never looked.

I have a question about direct experience.For the "Me', isnt the direct experience always seen, heard,smelt, felt, sensed, thought(past tense),tasted and ...

What about the content of thoughts, what they describe?
Content of thoughts describe the label.

Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only color and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’?
Just the color, shape and though about it.

Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?
The label cant be found in actual ...

Right, but *which* color is experienced?

Red color is experienced.

Which one is actual experience? Which one is only a thought?

Red color is the actual experience and green is only a thought