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Around three years ago, I started reading spiritual books and listening to Adyashanti, Echkart Tolle, Mooji and various other spiritual gurus. They all point towards the same direction, you are not your body, your thoughts, there is no self, pure awareness etc. They are right, but you have to look for yourselves otherwise they are just belief’s and you believe them just because Buddha said this or Adyashanti said. So, I wanted to look for myself clearly.
I had heard about this process of inquiry, and was fascinating to me, because it said, you don’t have to meditate or do anything to understand truth or to awaken. You just have to investigate, observe, and the truth shall be revealed. Sounds like a pretty good way, after all, I am so comfortable with my thoughts, to investigate and analyze things is my favorite hobby. What could be easier than this, it seemed like an armchair philosopher’s dream come true, “Awakening through investigation, laying on your bed”, you won the lottery. Hurray!!! So, I started looking for ways of self inquiry and landed on this website.
While exploring the website, I came across, the Quote App, this simple Quote App had a profound effect on the way, we are perceiving things. When I read the quotes my belief’s started to melt away. Things, which looked obvious, are actually not working the way you thought. We just, never bother to look, I was amazed, how these simple quotes, were proving, how delusional, I was to reality.
Hence, I decided to request for a guide, I understood, that although this process looks simple, can have a significant shift. In a few days, after the request, a caring and patient guide was provided, and the beautiful journey of inquiry was about to begin, I was excited and thrilled for the adventure that lied ahead of me. Initially, I was answering from the past knowledge and not looking directly, it took some time to adapt to the new way of looking.
It’s not some philosophy or some teaching that you will learn, it is directly looking for yourself, speaking from your own experience, not from past, not anywhere else, right here, right now looking directly. The best way is to be brutally honest and look fearlessly. Initially, it sounds impossible to you, how can there be no self, just how is it possible.
After a few days, constantly challenging my beliefs and careful guidance, I was able to look that the, “self “ or “I”, was just a thought. The whole world, around me changed, what I assumed through my childhood till now was wrong, there isn’t any such thing as “I”, WOW!!. I thought, I have seen through the illusion, even thanked the guides. It was not the case, I didn’t look completely and there was fear, trying to cover the illusion.
The guide made me understand clearly, that fear is nothing to be afraid of, it is just a feeling and you should look at it, if you want to see that the self is an illusion. Once, I looked at the fear honestly, I was not afraid of it anymore, it was there but had no effect on me.
Finally, I was able to see clearly, that the self was an illusion. It was a shocker, a big shock, for some moments, I felt completely blank like” Oh No, there’s actually no Self. Sinking in, took some time, and there was bliss followed by the looking. Layer by layer, everything was peeled of and in the end, there was nothing.
A couple of days, I was completely elated, walking in the nature blissfully, the flowers, birds, clouds and the big waving trees, all seemed part of myself. There was no separation, no regrets, and no worries just enjoying everything and appreciating life. A sense of liberation was there, liberating from the chains of mind, thoughts, past, future and the imagined problems all of them just disappeared.
Eagerly waking up in the morning, to see the sun rise and staring at the stars in the evening, observing the vastness of the sky. Life seemed so, beautiful and wonderful, I was thankful to everything, even the cashew nuts tasted so different for the first time, there was a sense of love in them.
Always thankful to IIona, Multipass (my guide), for their guidance and the opportunity.