Susy Sturm guided by Ilona
My boyfriend emails me this link to Liberation Unleashed. He’s always sending me stuff like this. Sometimes I ignore it…we’ve been in this seeking business a long time. Later when I ask, he doesn’t remember how he came across it. So I’m looking at this page and two words light up. “Direct Pointing.” That’s good, very good. I like it. So I go to the forum and read some dialogues. Very clear, we know clarity when we see it, right? We long time seekers? So then I look up the Liberation list and whoa…this many people have seen through the illusion of self in how much time? A year? No way. No..possible..way.
Okay. This is a challenge. This could be fun. I know my stuff. So I go with Ilona. I don’t know a thing about her. Could be guy for all I know, or a made-up name, like the one I will use. I like anonymous. Nothing to compare or distract you. Well, I’ll have her/him figured out before this dialogue is over. (Ha, we know who has whose number in the end.)
So right out of the chute.
Ilona: What are your expectations for awakening? List them.
Suzy: Okay. One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
Ilona: All are ignored. Except Five. “Ha! Magical thinking. It’s not like this at all.”
Suzy: Magical thinking? Really? Hmm. So I fire off a bunch of questions, you know seekers love questions.
Ilona’s Response: Do you exist?
Suzy: “Do I exist?” I’m on it. Did she answer my questions? I’m not sure but I’m into this. This is deep. So I answer and fire off more questions. She answers one or two questions briefly, I think. Not much for chatter this one. So we tackle a few more subjects over the next day or two. This is good. I’m enjoying this, I know this stuff.
Ilona: So, is there anything not happening on automatic?
Suzy: This is easy. Too easy. “No, everything is on automatic.” This I know for sure. Read this so many times. I continue to blather on about my spiritual practice and this problem I have with it. So I say to her, “I stop in silence to just ‘be’ and it’s a problem, you know, because I’m in the natural state when I stop, but then the mind comes back in. But I think if I just keep coming back to it often enough then then maybe the natural state will become automatic.”
Oops! Get it? Small discrepancy here which I failed to notice but Ilona’s on it like a duck on a June bug. I just said everything was on automatic and now I’m wishing something in my life was on automatic? Hello? So I think I know this stuff? So maybe I “know” it but I’m just not “seeing” it.
Ilona: So look, what’s not automatic here?
Suzy: Now I’m in a defensive mode…after all the “me” hates to be wrong. “No, no, I meant to say ‘continuous’, not ‘automatic.” (Like there is a difference?) She doesn’t buy this.
Ilona: Look again. Look deeper. What’s not on automatic?
Suzy: Busted. The discrepancy is in my face. And spaciousness is arising. A long walk and giggling arises. It’s a done deal.
So now I’m on the Lib list. One of many, growing like crazy. You see it works like this. Ilona and friends, they ask questions. You answer, you blather. You may try to engage them in useless conversation but they don’t bite, they focus, they question. And in your blathering you give them clues as to how close you are getting to seeing that there is no separate self. They don’t buy into your great intellectual understanding of this. It’s pretty well worthless. It’s all about the looking. Look now. Look again. Look deeper. At some point you get excited when you are giving the wrong answers. If you had all the right answers you wouldn’t need to be doing this. That’s how they trap you deep in the rabbit hole, Ilona and friends. No escape. No escape is good. Very good.